Untangled

December 21, 2015
Psychologist Damour begins this clear-sighted parenting guide with an epigraph from psychoanalyst Anna Freud: “There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter.” In response, Damour offers a hopeful, helpful new way for parents to talk about—and with—teenage girls. Raising a teenage girl doesn’t have to be the proverbial roller-coaster ride or feel like a “tangled mess,” she asserts. There is a predictable pattern to teenage development, and parents can learn how to understand and support their daughters. Damour identifies seven distinct, sequential “strands,” one per chapter, from middle school through high school: parting with childhood; joining a new tribe; harnessing emotions; contending with adult authority; planning for the future; entering the romantic world; and caring for herself. As Damour is careful to note, teens move along these strands at different rates. More descriptive than prescriptive, the volume is anecdote-driven, featuring entertaining, insightful stories drawn from the author’s experience. At the end of each chapter is a section entitled “When to Worry,” addressing issues that may require professional consultation. Parents will want this book on their shelves, next to established classics of the genre.

November 15, 2015
The director of the Laurel School's Center for Research on Girls offers parents concrete advice on how to help their teenage daughters navigate the often tumultuous teenage years. Using examples from her own practice, psychotherapist Damour outlines seven different paths that girls must negotiate between pre-puberty and independence. "There is a predictable pattern to teenage development, a blueprint for how girls grow," writes the author. "When you understand what makes your daughter tick, she suddenly makes a lot more sense. When you have a map of adolescent development, it's a lot easier to guide your daughter toward becoming the grounded young woman you want her to be." For parents who wonder why their delightful little girl has been replaced by an often belligerent, eye-rolling, disrespectful semiadult, Damour's advice will be a great help. The author identifies how girls slide in and out of childhood as they test boundaries, how hanging out with peers can create conflict as well as a much-needed new tribe, and the benefits and problems surrounding social media, including the impact of bullying. Damour discusses romance and sex and the need to talk about the ability to say no, not only to sex, but to alcohol and drugs as well. She gives parents methods to broach these difficult topics in a firm and understanding manner. She also addresses food and weight issues, mood disorders, and anxiety over test results and school performance. By giving girls a bit of privacy while still maintaining house rules, such as attending church or eating together as a family, parents respect that their daughter is shifting away from a dependent child toward becoming an independent being. Using Damour's guidance, these transitional years will be far less fraught with angst and parents will be able to create stronger bonds with their daughters. Expert information and counsel on helping parents raise well-rounded girls.

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