All of This

May 1, 2022

What if you were planning to divorce your husband when suddenly he received a terminal diagnosis? From the opening salvo, Woolf makes it clear to readers that this is not going to be a traditional grief memoir. Rather, it is a forthright portrait of one marriage, and the things that came after. From digging desperately through her jewelry drawer in search of the wedding ring she took off years ago to having frank discussions about her dating and sexuality with her four children after their father dies, Woolf takes readers on a journey that is nothing if not unforgettable. Is it comfortable or comforting? No, but it is brutally honest and empowering tale of a woman who emerges from her marriage and her husband's final illness like a butterfly from a chrysalis--not neatly or painlessly, but nonetheless beautiful to behold. VERDICT Be prepared to laugh, to cry, and possibly to be mortified at the level of detail Woolf feels comfortable sharing; but in the end, readers will definitely be glad they got on this roller coaster with her.--Jennifer Moore

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June 15, 2022
A successful writer and blogger explores how her husband's untimely death forced a confrontation with her unfulfilling marriage and undefined sexuality. By the time Woolf's husband, Hal, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, their marriage was "in relative shambles--backs turned to each other in a bed big enough to keep us from touching." Hal resented Woolf for her financial success, and Woolf resented Hal for the lies she felt compelled to tell him to keep the marriage "stable." However, his illness made the author desperate. Rather than seeking a divorce, she found herself wanting Hal to live. For the remainder of his life, the author swore she would never leave his side, "the only marital vow I didn't break." The tumultuous mixture of love and hate complicated a difficult grieving process that began even before he died. As she revisited their shared past, she mourned her "inadequacies as a wife, as a partner" while also excoriating herself for passively accepting what she knew was a "toxic relationship." After Hal's death, Woolf found herself "performing" widowhood for others while gnawing on a powerful desire to "get fucked"--less to satiate her desire and more to fill the emptiness that had carried over from her marriage. An affair with a friend she'd met at Hal's funeral provided some release. Then she signed up for Tinder and fell into a pattern of "one-night standing," which eventually included both male and female partners as well as experiments in polyamory. In the process, Woolf learned that however traumatic, Hal's death had actually prepared her for the short-term relationships she realized were what made her feel the most free and alive. By turns disturbing and profound, this intimate book about one woman's path to personal liberation also reveals the sometimes-labyrinthine nature of the bonds that unite people in love and marriage. A provocative and memorable work of autobiography.

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July 1, 2022
Popular mommy-blogger-turned-"sex and the single parent"-columnist Woolf skillfully and honestly foreshadows what's to come when she confesses that she is "not the first and certainly not the last wife to bury a husband she didn't want to be married to anymore." In the first half of her memoir, she focuses on the four months from Hal's diagnosis with terminal pancreatic cancer to his death at 44. She also looks back to when she got pregnant at 23, married Hal (whom she didn't know very well) in Las Vegas, and had four kids during their troubled 13-year marriage. Four months after Hal dies, Woolf, at 37, signs up for Tinder and posts, in her blunt way, the message, "I am newly widowed and DTF. Possibly with you." It's not false advertising. Readers grappling with feelings of both grief and liberation may find it comforting to hear Woolf talk so candidly about feeling "relieved to be alone." Moms who believe in being open with their kids will find a kindred spirit, too.

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